


Traces

by arokitty



Category: Persona 2
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Dates, Fluff, M/M, Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:36:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arokitty/pseuds/arokitty
Summary: Tatsuya cannot shake the feeling that there's more to Jun than meets the eye and if anything he's only starting to figure things out.





	Traces

**Author's Note:**

> A little something for TatsuJun post Eternal Punishment. Vague allusions to events from Innocent Sin and Eternal Punishment, that's why the spoiler tag is there.
> 
> The idea for the airshow was from a friend on the Persona 1 & 2 Discord Server.

"So, an airshow?"

Jun gives Tatsuya a curious look which the latter tries his best to ignore. Their feet sink into the green grass, cut short for the oncoming visitors of today. Around them excited voices are being raised and come together in a chaotic symphony of anticipation as the people are streaming towards the stands that were set up for the event.

Tatsuya's nerves are on edge like overstrained bowstring about to snap. His heart is beating in his throat and any attempt to swallow it back down is failing. He can't even say what's making him so nervous, though the uncertainty of whether Jun approves of coming here is undoubtedly adding to it. Things could turn sour quickly if Jun doesn't like it and then how does he salvage the mood?

"An interesting choice for a first date," Jun continues when Tatsuya doesn't answer him. He's notably adept at filling Tatsuya's silences as if he's been doing it for longer than just the handful of conversations they've had so far. There's a calmness to Jun's voice that Tatsuya might find soothing if his stomach didn't do the thing where it feels like its muscles are contracting and tingling every time the two of them meet.

Tatsuya's anxiety spikes at Jun's words. "Interesting" doesn't have to mean anything bad, but it could be and that's what his mind gets hung up on. He's ill prepared for the possibility of his plan to impress Jun backfiring. "You don't like it?"

"I didn't say that." Jun chuckles. "It's just not what I expected when you asked me to spend some time together."

_Spend some time together_ , that's how Tatsuya phrased it. According to Anna he could count himself lucky if Jun got his meaning. If Jun calling this a first date so nonchalantly is anything to go by however, he took it the right way. Somehow Tatsuya always thought it was a big deal — the other students sure made it sound like it was — which is why he avoided the term on purpose. He didn't want to raise the bar too high when he was absolutely inexperienced with dating and clueless about how to meet any expectations that might arise at the mention of it.

Jun isn't one of the girls at school casting smitten glances at Tatsuya and blushing when his gaze wanders in their direction by chance. Jun doesn't even go to the same school, so any reputation Tatsuya might have as a cool guy at Seven Sisters High means nothing. For once Tatsuya would have welcomed projecting that false image of himself, maybe then he wouldn't feel so bare and vulnerable in Jun's presence. Yet who knows if that would've even worked.

There's something about Jun that makes him hard to gauge. He's by all means beautiful and a little distant as if this world doesn't phase him much. Yet Jun took notice of Tatsuya and the lighter he was flicking open and closed in his hand. A strange look crossed Jun's face — something that looked like a mixture of recognition and sadness — and for a moment he seemed like his mind was off in another world. Then he tore his eyes away from the lighter and put on a smile like a mask hiding whatever had been there before. When he introduced himself as Kashihara Jun, Tatsuya got distracted by the realisation that Jun is the son of a teacher at Seven Sisters High.

"What did you expect then?" Tatsuya asks to get a better feeling for Jun's mood.

"Mhh." Jun stops walking and Tatsuya follows suit, forcing the people coming up from behind to circle around them. Jun has his left hand on his chin as he gives it some thought, revealing the wristwatch from beneath his dark blue sleeve. It reminds Tatsuya of the watch his father used to wear until one day it went missing.

"I'm not sure," Jun muses out loud. "Maybe the movies? That seems to be a classic."

"So you're one for the classics?" Feeling his heart sinking, Tatsuya just hopes the afternoon isn't turning into a complete disaster. Maybe he can save this somehow by promising that next time they will just go to the movies.

"No, I don't suppose I am, actually." Jun laughs again with a light ring to it. "I've never gone out with anyone before, so I haven't given it any thought until now."

"Oh," is all Tatsuya can say and once more he avoids Jun's curious look.

"You seem surprised."

"It's just— the way you look I thought you could have anyone you want."

"It doesn't seem like there are many guys around who would ask me out. Besides, who says I would want to go out with _them_."

The remark catches Tatsuya off guard and he looks right at Jun for the first time since they arrived. His attention gets caught by Jun's lips which seem a few shades darker today than during their previous meetings. He didn't notice when picking Jun up earlier because his nerves have a habit of impairing his attention to detail, but it seems his first impression was right and Jun is prone to wearing lipstick. Just like that Tatsuya's mind is devoid of any other thought aside from that it suits Jun.

"Come on," Jun's voice calls Tatsuya out of his trance. "We're going to miss the beginning of the show."

 

* * *

 

 

When Tatsuya was still a kid, his father used to take him and his brother to a couple of airshows in the area. Tatsuya remembers attentively following the planes swirling through the sky to the best of his ability. Since then he stopped looking up to his father and started to avoid his family as much as possible. Still, when he saw the advertisement for this year's airshow in the paper it felt nostalgic and he decided to bring Jun. He wanted to share a piece of his history without having to talk about it.

On top of that, it turns out to be a good opportunity to examine Jun unnoticed. At first Tatsuya just casts a few glances, then his eyes linger longer and longer until he's downright staring. What starts out as a means to determine if Jun is enjoying himself becomes an elaborate study of his face. There's no excitement showing in his features, but the planes soaring above them have his attention. Tatsuya takes that as a good sign and his thoughts continue to wander away from anxiety. This is only the second time he's witnessing Jun's expression without the hint of a smile and it makes him wonder what lies beneath the image of the charming young man Jun seems to project.

Tatsuya cannot explain why he's yearning to connect with Jun. There's some kind of sadness and the desire to reach out, similar to how he feels when he passes Lisa Silverman at school or sees that one Kasugayama student with blue hair and makeup in town. He has talked to neither of them and he wouldn't have spoken with Jun either if Jun hadn't approached him first. Maybe that's what makes Jun special in his mind, because Jun bridged the gap that he wouldn't have crossed by himself. Or maybe he'll have to start believing in soulmates after all. He's running low on ideas for what could draw him to Jun otherwise.

"I think I dreamed about flying once," Jun notes unprompted.

The moment Jun glances over, Tatsuya's eyes flicker away. He doesn't want to be caught staring, that's rude after all. But it's also rude to not look at the person you're talking to, so he turns back to Jun and hopes it doesn't come off too awkward. "Did you dream of having wings or something?"

"No, I was on an airship with people and for some reason I was the one who had to fly it?"

If Jun's smile is anything to go by, he's amused at the idea of it. However, Tatsuya is starting to wonder what purpose his smile is serving besides that. There's just something about it that doesn't feel entirely genuine. Tatsuya dismisses the thought for now.

"Yeah? How did that go then?"

Jun laughs softly. "Terrible. I think we all had to jump off before it crashed into the sea."

"Oh," Tatsuya replies dumbfounded before thinking about something better to say. "Lucky it was a dream then."

"Lucky indeed."

Though their conversation has come to a halt, Jun maintains eye contact and Tatsuya cannot look away. He gets the feeling Jun is waiting for something to happen or expecting something from him. When he tries to think of what it could be however, he comes up blank. So they're just standing there, holding each other's gaze, the airplanes passing above their heads all forgotten but the sound.

This time Jun is the first to look away. His eyes wander across the crowd of people until they come to rest on a spot nearby. Tatsuya is halfway into wondering what he's looking for when he grabs Tatsuya's hand and pulls him along.

"Follow me," Jun urges him and Tatsuya stumbles along out of reflex, casting a brief glance towards the sky to confirm that the show is still going. His shoulders bumping into other people make him focus on his surroundings again. He nod apologetically at the annoyed spectators they're disturbing as they're moving past them.

Possibly Jun lost interest in the event, though Tatsuya cannot say he minds. Jun's fingers are slim in his hand and wherever Jun is taking him, he wants to go there. He wants to entwine their fingers on the way, Jun's grip is just unexpectedly solid as if to make sure not to let him slip away. Worrying about giving off the wrong impression is the only thing that stops him from loosening his grasp to rearrange their fingers. Right now he thinks he'd take whatever Jun is willing to give him. If that means they're leaving a crowd of potential onlookers behind, then that's fine by him.

They dive into the first row of cars whose owners arrived early enough to get a parking spot right next to the meadow which serves as a venue. Jun circles around the side of a higher model and comes to a halt. His back presses against the car door, just out of sight of the gathering of people they were part of a moment ago. The dark blue of his cardigan melts into the black varnish of the door frame and leather seats visible through the windows. His white t-shirt looks even brighter due to the contrast.

Jun hasn't let go of Tatsuya who comes to a halt before him. With his free hand he tugs at Tatsuya's leather jacket to pull the young man closer. Tatsuya lets it happen, his breath catching in his throat before he remembers to exhale. A laugh escapes from Jun's lips, shaky and breathless. It's kind of charming. It's comforting to know that Jun isn't as confident as he makes himself out to be.

"I hope you don't mind missing the show." Jun lets his hand wander up Tatsuya's collar and around the back of Tatsuya's neck. His voice sounds a little hoarse but that only adds to his appeal. Tatsuya is hanging on his lips.

"Wasn't that great after all, was it?"

Tatsuya isn't in the state of mind to get hung up about it when Jun is this close to him. He'll just count it as a success that Jun lasted this long.

The smile on Jun's lips widens for a fleeting second. "You tell me. You're the one who kept forgetting to look."

So Jun did notice Tatsuya's eyes on him. Tatsuya feels caught and a little embarrassed, yet he doesn't avert his eyes. There's something challenging in the way Jun holds his gaze and he takes it as an invitation to keep staring.

Jun cocks his head. His eyes look curious, his mouth looks pleased. Maybe he likes the attention, maybe that's what he's been after all long since the first time Jun's fingertips brushed over the back of Tatsuya's hand. It sparked an interest inside him like shivers running through his body. By now he's sure there's more to his reaction to Jun than just taking notice. Something churning in his gut, something whispering in the back of his head. It's reaching out, almost lies on the tip of his tongue…

Pressure against the back of Tatsuya's neck. Jun beckons him closer with the hand placed there, stretching his torso upwards along the side of the car and craning his neck. Tatsuya thinks he knows what this means — he has seen enough romantic movies to recognise the signs. He lets himself be reeled in like a fish on the hook, because the bait is just too sweet to pass up. His gaze falls upon the dark red lips which make him try to swallow down saliva mixed with nervousness. They're so inviting, even as he blocks out the light reflecting on them. Jun's eyes are on him expectantly, calculating the distance between them as it dwindles.

Tatsuya turns his head to the said, their cheeks barely brushing as he musters his self-control. As much as he thinks he wants to kiss Jun, he doesn't want to do it like this. Not while the questions about Jun are piling up in his head, not while every movement of Jun is feeling deliberate — too deliberate. Like a trail of food luring an animal into a trap.

"Are you playing me?" Tatsuya wants to know, the realisation he has been sitting on all this time different from what he expected it to be.

The hand slips from his neck. "I thought you liked it."

It only takes a little pressure from Jun's hand against his chest for Tatsuya to back off. Their fingers tear apart — way too easily for Tatsuya's taste. It stings the part inside of him that wanted to hold onto that. He watches as Jun takes a step to the side, pulling out of his shadow. This time Jun is the one who's looking away. One hand is gripping his other arm as if to create some form of protective barrier around him. The sight pains Tatsuya.

An apology weighs on Tatsuya's tongue, making it heavy with guilt. Too heavy to say out loud no matter how much he shoves the words around in his mouth. He catches a glimpse of a frown on Jun's forehead. The lips are stretched thin, no longer an invitation.

Tatsuya gets struck with a familiar pain. An image forces itself into his mind of Jun sinking to his knees and clasping his head in despair. It makes Tatsuya want to close the distance immediately and to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he can make up for it— What wasn't his fault? What does he have to make up for?

With the blink of an eye the vision is gone and Tatsuya stares in confusion. It was like the memory of a dream that long since dissolved and slipped from his brain. Whatever is left are fragments that don't make sense. This has happened to him a few times, like a strange déjà vu, but it has never gotten this clear before. He has never felt this strongly about it before.

Tatsuya shakes his head to get rid of the aftertaste it's leaving in his mouth. His mind is good at finding things to mull over, he doesn't need another thing occupying his thoughts and going nowhere. He's better off focusing on what's happening in front of him, even if Jun's unchanged state pains him. At least there might be something he can do about it if he musters his courage.

"I'm sorry." Tatsuya finally pushes the words over his lips. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that."

Jun breathes in, the sound of it coming close to a sniff. He releases his grip on his arm and straightens his posture. Without sparing a glance in Tatsuya's direction he turns away and walks alongside the hood of the car. "Let's just watch the rest of the show."

 

* * *

 

 

Once the muttering of the crowd fades behind them, the silence between them feels like a wall. Before there were the engines and the clapping and cheering of the spectators, but now they're only echoes in Tatsuya's ears. All he could think of doing as the planes flew off to land at the airport nearby was proposing to take Jun home. Jun accepted the offer by heading off towards the motorcycle without a word, so he went along.

And now they're here and Tatsuya wonders if he wronged Jun in a way he cannot compensate for. He's not even sure if trying to explain things would help or just make it worse. He's not sure about Jun in general. He may have like meeting an old friend when he first spoke with Jun, but in truth they're only recent acquaintances.

In his mind, Tatsuya goes over things to say only to disregard them the next moment. He doesn't want the day to end like this, but by the time they reach his bike he still hasn't come up with anything satisfactory. So he occupies himself with unchaining his machine and getting out the helmets.

For a moment Tatsuya wonders if it's going to be awkward driving Jun home like this since he's keeping his distance. But as the engine flairs up, he slips behind Tatsuya on the seat and doesn't feel too shy about wrapping his arms around Tatsuya's torso. Tatsuya would enjoy the contact more if things hadn't turned so frosty between them. At least the ride occupies his mind a bit until they arrive at Jun's home.

Tatsuya stops halfway into the driveway and shuts off the engine. It feels intrusive to drive all the way up to the door, though he doesn't question his reasons for thinking so. He feels the weight of the machine against his left leg as Jun climbs off. It makes him realise that he doesn't take other people along much — Anna being the only exception before Jun — and he's not quite used to balancing the motorcycle with another's weight on it.

To give Jun space, Tatsuya focuses on propping up the bike on the kickstand and dismounting himself. It seems a courtesy to take off his own helmet before he accepts the one he borrowed to Jun and stowes it away. All the while he's trying to think of something to say, yet words still elude him.

Maybe it would be easier if they were less like strangers and closer to friends. All the familiarity Tatsuya feels isn't intimacy. Tatsuya doesn't know what drives Jun, what things he likes, what insecurities he masks with his flirtatious nature. All Tatsuya can tell is that — albeit unintentionally — he seems to have hit a mark when turning Jun's advances down. It's hard to apologise when you aren't sure what for exactly. It's hard to apologise when you can't even explain what you're feeling in the first place.

The two of them stand there with no words coming across their lips. At least the ice between them seems to have melted down into bashfulness. Tatsuya wants to prolong their time together, yet cannot think of an excuse. His only solace is that if Jun wanted him gone, Jun could've said goodbye and headed inside. Instead Jun is remaining and shuffling his feet.

When Jun breaks the silence his eyes are directed at an unspecified point on the ground. "I'm sorry for ruining the date."

"You didn't," Tatsuya offers, relief brushing some of the weight off his shoulders. It seems he isn't the only one who want to salvage things between them.

"That's kind of you to say." Jun sounds as gentle as Tatsuya has gotten to know him, but there's a sadness clinging to the corners of his mouth even as he offers a small smile.

"Jun." In a need to push past his usual passive nature, Tatsuya steps forward and grabs Jun's hand. It's a bold move that he decided upon in a split second. The only issue is that he doesn't know where to go from here. There are so many thoughts swirling around in his head and he wants to say them all but he cannot seem to get them organised. Meanwhile Jun is looking at him expectantly.

"I like you this way," Tatsuya blurts out, skipping a dozen things in the process, "when you actually allow yourself to show more emotions instead of always smiling. It makes you feel less detached and more genuine."

A car passes by, glossing over Jun's speechlessness. His widened eyes are the main indicator of his surprise. As the sound of the vehicle fades into the distance, he recovers his composure. "Maybe I don't like being genuine."

It could be a provocation or a defense mechanism, Tatsuya isn't sure. The flippant tone makes him think however that Jun is being entirely truthful.

"I don't buy it."

"That's on you then."

Tatsuya will let that stand, just because he doesn't consider it appropriate to pry at such an early stage of them getting acquainted with each other. He hates it when a family member probes him about personal things and he's known each of them for his entire life. He's not going to be the curious stranger who drives Jun away with wanting to learn everything of relevance on the first date. As much as he wants to figure Jun out, he will have to be patient.

Their fingers are still entwined and this time it's Tatsuya who doesn't want to let Jun slip out of his grasp. Maybe this could become a thing for them — he would like it to be. Jun isn't pulling away either, so he counts that as a good sign. Still, after what happened today he wants to be sure.

"Do I get to see you again?"

Jun lowers his head towards his chest and blinks slowly, looking up at Tatsuya from beneath black eyelashes. There's a charm to that, Tatsuya has to admit, even though he didn't need the gesture. He has been falling for Jun since their first encounter after all.

"If that's what you want."

"Yes." The answer is that simple.

"Then sure." Jun smiles again, maybe pleased. A glint of mischief enters his eyes and he steps closer. "Don't get mad."

Since Tatsuya doesn't know what Jun is referring to, he doesn't respond. Instead he watches as Jun gets onto tiptoes and leans in. It's reminiscent of how Jun pulled him in for a kiss earlier today, but this time he's ready to let it happen. Despite Jun's flirting, right now he has an expectant but serious look in his eyes which is different from his previous playfulness. Tatsuya can feel his heart accelerate with the raising tension as he waits for it to happen.

Jun puts his lips on the corner of Tatsuya's mouth, a light peck prolonged by the deliberate slowness of his movements. Tatsuya looks puzzled as Jun pulls away. He wants to follow up by kissing Jun on the lips, but he doesn't. He wants to say that it's okay and he has no reason to be mad, but he doesn't. To think that Jun can render him useless with such a small gesture.

"Thanks for today," Jun whispers loud enough for Tatsuya to hear. His hand slips out of Tatsuya's fingers as he starts walking backwards. "I'll see you around then."

"Yeah," is all Tatsuya manages in response, dumbfounded as he watches Jun turn around and head towards the door.

It's a goodbye cut way too short for Tatsuya's liking, but things ended on a sweet note so he won't complain. Jun gives one last look over his shoulder when slipping through the door and then Tatsuya is left alone beneath the darkening sky. For a moment his eyes remain on the door where Jun disappeared while he's still processing what just happened. It takes a shake of his head to pull himself out of his bafflement. Though no one is around to witness it, Tatsuya is quick to hide the smile taking over his lips beneath his helmet.


End file.
